The Emotional Support Circle is a tool in my Mental Health Toolbox. I use this critical tool to surround myself with people who are supportive of my emotional wellbeing. It makes it easier for me to say “no” when invited out by people who are in the outer circles and remove the personalization from the decision. This is not about whether people are good or bad friends, it’s about whether they are able to provide emotional support when I need it.

How does the Emotional Support Circle work?

Each person in your life is placed in level 1, level 2, level 3 and level 4. Their position level on the circle is a fluid concept, which means they can change levels. Levels change depending on how much or little emotional support they can provide you. Life gets in the way for everyone. As each person experiences ups and downs in their own lives it will affect how much they can or can’t be there for you, simultaneously your own needs will fluctuate depending on your own circumstances. It can happen that normally supportive friends can become less supportive because of their own life stress, and unlikely people can surprise you by become more emotionally aware and supportive.

To work out where to place each person on the Emotional Support Circle consider the below:

Have you ever noticed feeling drained after catching up with a friend/family member? You may even be feeling worse about yourself then before you met up. These are the people who talk “at” you not “with” you, they don’t really listen to you and say “you should” quite a bit. They are Level 3.

There are people out there that you see regularly, enjoy having fun with them and can mostly be yourself with them. However, you don’t really talk to them about your emotional struggles, concerns or show them your true inner self. You wear a “mask” around them to shield yourself from feeling judged. They are Level 2.

Then there are those people in your life that you can be truly honest with, can share with them your genuine thoughts and feelings (even the scary not so pleasant ones). These people listen to you without judgement, and help you feel more positive about yourself/situation. They are Level 1 (inner circle)

By working out where each person is in the circle you can then make better decisions about socialising with them or not. It is all about self-protection during those times your mental health has been triggered and you notice your red flags going off.

Who do you feel supported by? Who do you feel can and can’t provide you with what you need, at the moment? The people who cannot meet your needs are in the outer circles, these are the people you say no to. It is not “no” forever, it just for this week to give yourself time to feel better.

“No I am not available today, how about next week?”